How to stop saying I’m sorry so often

Stop saying ‘I’m sorry’ —and use these phrases to convey your sincerity at work or at home.

Do you find yourself apologizing often? Do you find yourself apologizing for missed deadlines, typos or miscalculations on a regular basis? Are you juggling many tasks at once, or distracted by problems at home, work, or the world? Are you often late to meetings or forgetting anniversaries? Perhaps, you are saying sorry too often.

In our society today, apologizing and admitting wrong doing is looked upon as a weak and unattractive. A lot of our politicians and powerful individuals avoid apologizing at all cost in order the stigma of looking foolish. It is our human nature for us to avoid taking responsibility. In a 2012 study published in The European Journal of Social Psychology, they found that 95% of participants who refused to express remorse after offending someone showed signs of “greater self-esteem, increased feelings of power (or control) and integrity.” Many individuals in powerful positions do not apologize, but is that the right approach? What kind of impression does that give to others?

Not apologizing on the regular basis can easily backfire, especially when you lose trust with the people around you. Just like the boy who cried wolf, you lose your credibility and people start not to believe your words. So, when is the correct way to say sorry? Apologies are most beneficial when you’ve done something that directly impacts another individual. It helps individuals move from conflict to cooperation. If your mistake directly impacts another person, it is best to apologize to them. Do not lose your integrity in pursuit of looking powerful in the eyes of others.

How to apologize without coming across as self-deprecating?

Step 1:

Communicate what you plan to do when things don’t go as planned.

Instead of apologizing for the mistake, it is better to say that you will fix it. You can say something such as “I’m taking responsibility for this, and here’s how I will fix it.” It still acknowledges the mistake and when take the steps to correct it, it gives you an image of assertiveness and professionalism.

Step 2:

In some situations, you can’t apology because it is out of your control.

For example:

It might be polite to say “I’m sorry for being late”, but since it was out of your control, remember to say “Thanks for your patience”. Show your gratitude that the other person was patient enough to wait for you.

When someone is emotional upset with you, don’t anger them more by saying “I’m sorry you’re stressed”, or “I’m sorry you are feeling that way.” What a horrible way to add fuel to the fire! Instead, offer the person your assistance. Say something such as, “I noticed you have a lot on your plate. Can I help you? Do you need a break?” “What can I help you with?

By acknowledging your accountability and suggesting solutions, it can help you move forward from the mistakes. By not apologizing, you are not dwelling on past mistakes and individual won’t get annoyed with you. You’ll be perceived by others as more confident and dependable.

Step 3:

Action speaks louder than words. Avoid repeating the same mistakes!

Mistakes happen, it’s inevitable. Just because you now know how to best communicate the problem and apologize, repeated mistakes will take all the credibility you built away! Make sure you take the time to learn from your mistakes and be proactive not to make the same mistakes again. If you are distracted by your surroundings, make an effort to remove those distractions. Be sincere in your efforts to change, and your apology will grow your integrity with others.

Source: "Stop saying ‘I’m sorry’ at work—and use these 3 phrases instead, says Wharton psychologist". Megan Sauer